IKEA
by Howbrighthesky
Summary: Chaos ensues when a trip to IKEA ends in disaster, not least due to a certain trickster. One shot. Not beta'd. Based off a prompt I found on Tumblr where Thor is the only one who can pronounce the names of swedish furniture in IKEA.


IKEA

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It was a cold spring morning when the Avengers, Loki in tow, were hearded to IKEA by Agent Coulson. More precisely. The Avengers were stuffed into a mini-bus with blacked out windows and driven by a very terse looking Fury to an empty IKEA on the edge of New York.

The purpose of this mission was not to save the world, or even one person. The mission was to replace the furniture that had been yet again destroyed by Loki, Tony, and assorted Avengers.

It was hard to keep track of who exactly had destroyed the furniture, but Coulson had had enough. He was putting his foot down.

"But I don't want to go!" Snapped Loki, stamping his foot.

"You will go, with Thor, and remain within 20 meters of him at all times, or I WILL contact Asguard!" Coulson snapped back, matching Loki's venom with a very fatherly tone which brokered no argument.

Loki tilted his chin up and sniffed. "Ok dad" he countered… but the words had no bite to them. Loki had lost.

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They all piled out of the mini-bus- which, to house a hulk/banner, and all the avengers was more of a massive bus… and entered the building.

Clint looked a little lost amongst all the cushions and throws, Banner immediately headed towards a very large kettle of scented candles, Vision headed with Wanda towards a babies cot- causing Tony to suck in his lips and his eyes to grow impossibly round- and Thor began leading his brother by the hand around the massive complex.

"Come brother, let us admire the lövbacken!"

Loki looked like admiring the lövbacken was not top on his priority list for today. He was stiff as a plank, and trying to wrestle his smaller paler hand out of Thor's. Said Asguardian of course didn't notice, and simply dragged his brother through the complex.

Tony winced in sympathy as Loki mouthed a 'help me' over his shoulder only to be dragged around a corner and vanish, no doubt to wherever the lövbacken was.

Tony stood there for a minute, completely freaked about all of the information he just had to process, and decided he would head towards wherever they kept the alcohol.

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"Thor you OAF! Why did you let it fall!"

Loki shouted, after a large thumping noise could be heard, that sounded like falling furniture hitting the ground.

Tony became still as a statue where he was stood, bourbon in one hand, cheap glass tumblr in the other, and listened. Tony was in a kitchen area stocked with alcohol, just around the corner from where he could hear Loki's sharp little voice.

Loki, for a roughly 1000 year old Norse God, really was very good at behaving like a 2 year old. He could give Peter Parker a run for his money- scratch that, Peter wasn't even in the same ball park of crazy as Loki.

Peter didn't routinely try to get into Tony's pants, propositioning him in-front of his brother no less, and then get in a strop and melt the coffee machine when refused… Again, another reason why they were at IKEA. Damn Tony needed a new coffee machine.

"Brother! I'm so sorry! - are you hurt?"

"No brother, I am absolutely fine, I'm just _completely crushed_ by a LOVBACKEN!"

Tony slammed the Burbourn and tumbler down on the counter and ran around the corner- to where Loki was, indeed, crushed beneath the lövbacken.

"Thor what the hell! I was gone for one second! And now Loki has become a Loki pancake!"

Thor had the good grace to look guilty, and loki wrinkled his nose, his small pale face the only thing that could be seen. The rest was crushed by the huge fixture.

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"Oh it's all very simple and explainable" said Thor, later, when they were all sat round the table in the briefing room.

"Loki transformed himself into a black cat to escape me, and chose to mount the lövbacken...He likes to be up high in that form- you see."

Everyone stared. No one blinked.

"Yeeeeeah" said Tony finally, after a full minute of silence.

" completely explainable"

Loki's face remained a sour, angry mask, as he glared at his brother.

"I would not. Have transformed myself into a cat. If you had not been CRUSHING MY HAND AND EMOTIONALLY SUFFOCATING ME!" Seethed the trickster.

Everyone would normally tell Loki to take a break and behave himself, but the poor God looked so pathetic with his arm in a sling, and various bandages that no-one said anything.

"Alright!"

Said Tony, tensley, clapping his hands together.

"I am going to write a strongly worded letter to IKEA about the ergonomics of it's furniture, and everyone else is going to be very nice to Loki.

_-That means you Clint"_

Said Tony. Clint folded his arms sullenly.

The avengers cleared out of the room, loki slapping Thor away with his good hand on the way out, and limping out of the room at a breakneck speed. No doubt off to not cause trouble for once and recover.

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Needless to say. That was the one and only time the Avengers went to IKEA.


End file.
